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Just Found Out Your Child Has SEND? Here's Where to Start

5 min read Last reviewed 17 May 2026
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You’ve just been told your child has special educational needs, or maybe you’ve known for a while but don’t know what to do about it. Either way, you’re here because the system feels confusing, and nobody has explained where to start.

That feeling is normal. Every SEND parent has been exactly where you are right now.

The SEND system in England is large and complicated. It covers education, health, social care, benefits, and legal rights. Trying to understand all of it at once is impossible, and you don’t need to. You just need to know what to do first.

Take a breath

Before anything else, know this: you don’t have to figure everything out today. The system will still be there tomorrow. Your child’s needs won’t change overnight because you didn’t fill in a form this week.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to feel angry, scared, or sad. Most SEND parents go through all of those emotions, sometimes in a single afternoon.

Three things to do first

There are only three things you need to focus on right now. Everything else is important but can come later. Start with these and don’t try to do everything at once.

1. Talk to your child’s school

If your child is school-age, the school is your first point of contact. Ask to speak to the SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). Every school has one.

Tell the SENCO what you’ve noticed or what professionals have said. Ask them to put your child on the Special Educational Needs (SEN) register if they haven’t already. This triggers the school’s duty to provide additional support.

You don’t need a diagnosis for this. The school’s duty is based on your child’s needs, not a label. If your child is struggling, the school should be helping.

Info

The school doesn’t need a diagnosis to put SEN Support in place. If your child needs help that’s “additional to or different from” what other children get, the school has a legal duty to provide it under the Children and Families Act 2014.

2. Check if your child is eligible for DLA

Disability Living Allowance (DLA) is a benefit for children who need significantly more help or supervision than a child of the same age without a disability.

DLA is not means-tested. Your income doesn’t matter. It’s based entirely on your child’s needs compared to a typically developing child of the same age.

Many SEND parents don’t realise their child qualifies. If your child needs extra help with personal care (washing, dressing, eating, medication, supervision for safety) or has difficulty walking outdoors, check whether you can claim.

When considering DLA, ask yourself whether your child needs more help than other children their age. Think about personal care, supervision, behaviour support, night-time needs, and mobility. You don’t need a diagnosis to apply, there’s no minimum age (babies can qualify), and your income is irrelevant because DLA isn’t means-tested.

DLA can also unlock other support, including Carer’s Allowance, the Blue Badge, and extra help through Universal Credit (UC).

3. Find your local SENDIASS

SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disabilities Information, Advice and Support Service) is a free, impartial service that every local authority in England must provide. It’s staffed by people who know the SEND system inside out, and their job is to help you.

They can:

  • Explain your rights and your child’s rights
  • Help you communicate with the school
  • Attend meetings with you
  • Help you apply for an EHCP assessment
  • Support you through the tribunal process if needed

Every LA has one. Find yours through the Council for Disabled Children directory.

SENDIASS is completely free and legally required to be impartial. They work for families, not for the local authority. Make sure you actually have their number saved in your phone.

Tip

Save your SENDIASS phone number in your contacts. You’ll use it more than you think. They’re the single most useful free service available to SEND parents.

What comes next (but not today)

Once you’ve done the three things above, these are worth looking into when you’re ready. But none of them are urgent today:

  • EHCP assessment - if your child’s needs are significant and the school can’t meet them from its own resources, you can request an Education, Health and Care Plan. This is a legal document that sets out what your child needs and who must provide it.

  • Health referrals - if your child hasn’t been assessed by a paediatrician, speech therapist, occupational therapist, or other specialist, ask your GP for a referral. Waiting lists are long, so starting early helps.

  • Short breaks and social care - if you’re providing significant care for your child, you may be entitled to support from your local authority’s children’s services team, including short breaks.

  • Benefits beyond DLA - once DLA is in place, check Carer’s Allowance and any Universal Credit additions you might qualify for.

Things that can wait

Not everything is urgent. These are important, but they can wait weeks or months:

  • Understanding the full EHCP process (learn it when you need it, not before)
  • Researching schools or specialist placements (only relevant if your current school can’t meet needs)
  • Getting a formal diagnosis (your child can access support without one)

Common myths

As a new SEND parent, you’ll hear a lot of things that aren’t true:

Common myths:

  • “You need a diagnosis before the school will help” - Schools must support based on needs, not diagnoses
  • “DLA is only for children in wheelchairs” - DLA covers care, supervision, and mobility needs of all types
  • “The school has to spend £6,000 before requesting an EHCP” - There is no legal spending threshold for EHCP assessment

What’s actually true:

  • You know your child best. Your observations are valid evidence.
  • You can request an EHCP assessment yourself. Parents have a legal right to request an assessment directly.

Getting help

Your local SENDIASS is the first place to go. They’ll help you understand what your child is entitled to and support you through the process.

Contact supports families of disabled children with practical information and a helpline (0808 808 3555).

IPSEA provides free legal advice on education rights for children with SEND.

How our free tool can help

The AI assistant at SEND Parents Help is built for parents in your exact situation. You can ask any question about SEND, DLA, school support, EHCPs, or anything else. It gives clear, accurate answers based on current law and guidance, and it’s completely free.

You’re already doing the right thing

The fact that you’re looking for information means you’re already advocating for your child. That matters more than you think.

Start with those three things: school, DLA, SENDIASS. Everything else will follow. And whenever you feel lost, come back here or ask the AI assistant. You’re not on your own.

Sources and further reading

Legislation and official guidance